![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
new year, same lizard
Jan. 11th, 2019 10:43 pmOops. I have a lot of catching up to do, Hope everyone had good holidays and that you are all safe and warm as we lurch into 2019. 2019, you better suck less than last year did. (It's not an auspicious start so far, anywhere in the world, but c'mon. The bar is low.)
Short recap: I survived the family visit and the big party, got home safe, was sick with travel crud for a week but well enough by Christmas to enjoy it, and had a lovely low-key NYE with the traditional fondue of friends. Since then life has been about trying to force myself to apply for jobs and avoidance strategies thereof. (Thanks to the Internet, now I know that other people have the same mental weasels about tasks and that they are called executive function disorder. But knowing why it's hard doesn't make the task go away.)
One of the classic spirals people get into, apparently (it's not just me!) is to identify the Big Scary Impossible Task to be blocked on and then hang everything else off it as subsidiaries. Can't update Dreamwidth, I should be working on my resume. I'll contact my old coworkers after I have a working cover letter draft. Well, I can't send what I have to friends for advice YET, it has to be in better shape. Library books, I do not deserve them till this is done. Etc. This can lead into some dark nonfunctional states. Fortunately it works in reverse too: small tasks give energy and momentum to do others, and then bigger ones.
And at the end of the day I may still not have a job, but I am full of two kinds of experimental grilled cheese (mozzarella-tomato-basil and apple-caramelized-onion) and the dishes are mostly done. And I successfully visited my old job early this morning to meet with ex-coworkers from the night shift and confirm they aren't upset with me. And I'm updating Dreamwidth and have written a whole two sentences on that fanfic WIP I'm stuck on, and read lots of Ask-A-Manager archive posts and reshuffled the resume. The day is not a loss.
Short recap: I survived the family visit and the big party, got home safe, was sick with travel crud for a week but well enough by Christmas to enjoy it, and had a lovely low-key NYE with the traditional fondue of friends. Since then life has been about trying to force myself to apply for jobs and avoidance strategies thereof. (Thanks to the Internet, now I know that other people have the same mental weasels about tasks and that they are called executive function disorder. But knowing why it's hard doesn't make the task go away.)
One of the classic spirals people get into, apparently (it's not just me!) is to identify the Big Scary Impossible Task to be blocked on and then hang everything else off it as subsidiaries. Can't update Dreamwidth, I should be working on my resume. I'll contact my old coworkers after I have a working cover letter draft. Well, I can't send what I have to friends for advice YET, it has to be in better shape. Library books, I do not deserve them till this is done. Etc. This can lead into some dark nonfunctional states. Fortunately it works in reverse too: small tasks give energy and momentum to do others, and then bigger ones.
And at the end of the day I may still not have a job, but I am full of two kinds of experimental grilled cheese (mozzarella-tomato-basil and apple-caramelized-onion) and the dishes are mostly done. And I successfully visited my old job early this morning to meet with ex-coworkers from the night shift and confirm they aren't upset with me. And I'm updating Dreamwidth and have written a whole two sentences on that fanfic WIP I'm stuck on, and read lots of Ask-A-Manager archive posts and reshuffled the resume. The day is not a loss.
